Celebrity Etiquette

Dear Lutz,

I grew up near Hollywood and am used to seeing movie stars. I was taught not to bother them when they were going about their daily business--as opposed to dress-up affairs. Last week, I had lunch with a friend from Chicago. When we saw a hunky guy from a major television show, she got very excited and wanted to go over and talk to him, even though he was eating. I implored her not to go, but she wouldn't listen, so I told her I would never speak to her again. She went over, and I made good on my word.

The problem is I'm having second thoughts. Not only do I miss my friend, but I feel guilty about denying her enthusiasm and forcing her to adhere to my California standards. Am I being ridiculous?

Signed,
Ridiculous


Dear Ridiculous,

Thank you for your excellent question. Just out of curiosity, who was the actor your friend was so desperate to meet? Because if it was Steve Buscemi, get on the phone right now and apologize. I’m all for respecting celebrities’ privacy and such, but come on, Steve Buscemi.

That said, I respect your respect for the actor’s right to eat a meal in peace. While I am rarely accosted by adoring fans, I do think I can sympathize. Frankly, sometimes I don’t even like it when the waiter interrupts my lunch to ask me if everything is okay. It’s okay. If it weren’t, I’d let him know. (Actually, that’s not true. I’m the sort of person who doesn’t send food back, even if my sandwich has mayonnaise on it and I specifically asked for no mayonnaise. You shouldn’t eat mayonnaise either. It’s not good for you. I think aioli is okay, though. Best Foods and other mayonnaise manufacturers, don’t start sending me hate mail. I like mustard, in case you were wondering what I like on my sandwiches.)

But back to you, Ridiculous. Respecting an actor’s privacy is one thing, but what about respecting the basic differences between you and your friend? Let’s call her Sally. I can guarantee that in the Midwest, celebrity sightings don’t come along every day. For Sally, the novelty of meeting a famous actor surely trumped your ultimatum, which I’m guessing she didn’t take seriously since it was so ridiculously severe.

Here’s the thing: You can’t stop speaking to Sally just because she didn’t do what you told her to do. If you suggested she dye her hair blonde and she didn’t, would that also warrant the silent treatment? For such a consequence to be reasonable, something really serious would have had to happen. For instance, if Sally approached the actor and poured a milkshake over his head or kicked him in the shins, the silent treatment might be reasonable, because it would mean that a) Sally is unstable, and b) Sally could at any time pour a milkshake over your head and/or kick you in the shins.

What I think you should have done is paint a broader picture of the situation for Sally. You could have reminded her that public personalities endure a never-ending onslaught of unwanted attention. You could have explained to Sally that the everyday freedoms she enjoys are rare luxuries for major celebrities. Armed with this information, Sally could have made an educated decision. If she still pestered the hunky TV star, then so be it. There are worse things one could do on vacation.

And let’s face it, all the celebrity usually has to do is accept praise. Where’s the harm in that? Once I shared a hotel elevator ride with Dustin Hoffman and another guy, who interrupted Hoffman’s moment of Zen and said, “Excuse me, are you Dustin Hoffman?” Hoffman acknowledged his identity, smiled, and shook the guy’s hand. Then the guy said, “I’ve seen every one of your movies” and left on the next floor. No one was harmed in the exchange.

(Except, I took issue with a guy who claims to have seen every one of Dustin Hoffman’s films but has to ask if it’s really Dustin Hoffman standing next to him. I’ve missed more than a few Hoffman movies, but there was no doubt in my mind that it was him. This guy saw Mad City and isn’t sure? Then it got me thinking that maybe the guy needed glasses. And since this was L.A. and the only way he got to the hotel was by driving, he was driving with uncorrected vision. I would just like to state that I’m completely against driving without glasses if you need glasses.)

But I digress. In short, there’s no harm in giving a brief shout-out or “You rock” to your favorite performer. As for you, Ridiculous, start talking to your friend again. Let Sally be Sally and you be you, and let’s keep the lines of dialogue open.

Best wishes,
Lisa