Dear Lutz,
I grew up near Hollywood and am used to seeing movie stars. I was taught not to bother them when they were going about their daily business--as opposed to dress-up affairs. Last week, I had lunch with a friend from Chicago. When we saw a hunky guy from a major television show, she got very excited and wanted to go over and talk to him, even though he was eating. I implored her not to go, but she wouldn't listen, so I told her I would never speak to her again. She went over, and I made good on my word.
The problem is I'm having second thoughts. Not only do I miss my friend, but I feel guilty about denying her enthusiasm and forcing her to adhere to my California standards. Am I being ridiculous?
Signed,
Ridiculous
Dear Ridiculous,
Thank you for your excellent question. Just out of curiosity, who was the actor your friend was so desperate to meet? Because if it was Steve Buscemi, get on the phone right now and apologize. I’m all for respecting celebrities’ privacy and such, but come on, Steve Buscemi.
That said, I respect your respect for the actor’s right to eat a meal in peace. While I am rarely accosted by adoring fans, I do think I can sympathize. Frankly, sometimes I don’t even like it when the waiter interrupts my lunch to ask me if everything is okay. It’s okay. If it weren’t, I’d let him know. (Actually, that’s not true. I’m the sort of person who doesn’t send food back, even if my sandwich has mayonnaise on it and I specifically asked for no mayonnaise. You shouldn’t eat mayonnaise either. It’s not good for you. I think aioli is okay, though. Best Foods and other mayonnaise manufacturers, don’t start sending me hate mail. I like mustard, in case you were wondering what I like on my sandwiches.)
But back to you, Ridiculous. Respecting an actor’s privacy is one thing, but what about respecting the basic differences between you and your friend? Let’s call her Sally. I can guarantee that in the Midwest, celebrity sightings don’t come along every day. For Sally, the novelty of meeting a famous actor surely trumped your ultimatum, which I’m guessing she didn’t take seriously since it was so ridiculously severe.
Here’s the thing: You can’t stop speaking to Sally just because she didn’t do what you told her to do. If you suggested she dye her hair blonde and she didn’t, would that also warrant the silent treatment? For such a consequence to be reasonable, something really serious would have had to happen. For instance, if Sally approached the actor and poured a milkshake over his head or kicked him in the shins, the silent treatment might be reasonable, because it would mean that a) Sally is unstable, and b) Sally could at any time pour a milkshake over your head and/or kick you in the shins.
What I think you should have done is paint a broader picture of the situation for Sally. You could have reminded her that public personalities endure a never-ending onslaught of unwanted attention. You could have explained to Sally that the everyday freedoms she enjoys are rare luxuries for major celebrities. Armed with this information, Sally could have made an educated decision. If she still pestered the hunky TV star, then so be it. There are worse things one could do on vacation.
And let’s face it, all the celebrity usually has to do is accept praise. Where’s the harm in that? Once I shared a hotel elevator ride with Dustin Hoffman and another guy, who interrupted Hoffman’s moment of Zen and said, “Excuse me, are you Dustin Hoffman?” Hoffman acknowledged his identity, smiled, and shook the guy’s hand. Then the guy said, “I’ve seen every one of your movies” and left on the next floor. No one was harmed in the exchange.
(Except, I took issue with a guy who claims to have seen every one of Dustin Hoffman’s films but has to ask if it’s really Dustin Hoffman standing next to him. I’ve missed more than a few Hoffman movies, but there was no doubt in my mind that it was him. This guy saw Mad City and isn’t sure? Then it got me thinking that maybe the guy needed glasses. And since this was L.A. and the only way he got to the hotel was by driving, he was driving with uncorrected vision. I would just like to state that I’m completely against driving without glasses if you need glasses.)
But I digress. In short, there’s no harm in giving a brief shout-out or “You rock” to your favorite performer. As for you, Ridiculous, start talking to your friend again. Let Sally be Sally and you be you, and let’s keep the lines of dialogue open.
Best wishes,
Lisa
Friday, October 31, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Please Sit Down
Dear Lutz,
So this is a question about concert-going etiquette. We bought tickets to an alt-rock band (My Morning Jacket) -- these tickets were to particular seats, and good seats too (in the 5th row, on the side). The concert was in a very nice concert hall in Seattle where they have the opera, etc. Now as soon as the band came on, a number of people in the seats in front of us stood up, and then didn't sit down for most of the concert. This gave me two choices: one, to sit down and not see the show or, two, to stand as well. Now, I don't like standing during concerts. My legs get tired. And I wasn't wearing the proper shoes to stand for the entire show since I HAD PURCHASED TICKETS THAT INCLUDED A SEAT. And a very comfortable seat. Now the people standing were not dancing, they were just standing there bobbing their heads. They could bob their heads in their seats. And hear just fine too.
In any case I didn't feel like I could ask them to sit, because it was an entire group of people, but please let everyone know what the proper etiquette is for concerts where you buy tickets for seats. Is it okay to stand just because it's a concert?
Signed,
Please Sit Down
Dear Sit Down,
Let me begin by offering my sympathies to your feet. I know all too well what foot pain feels like and I am not taking this question lightly. I also am quite familiar with the experience of staring at a person’s back for hours at a time and I can’t say that I’ve grown fonder of backs because of it. Being short, even if someone is sitting down in front of me, out cold, they still could be blocking my view. Of course I’ve never woken the person up and asked him to move seats. But I would have liked to on many occasions.
But back to your question, and let me warn your right now that you’re not going to like my answer. If you were at a Lawrence Welk show, it would be safe to expect the audience to remain in their seats unless, say, one was trying to pop a bubble from the bubble machine or take part in a standing ovation after a particularly stirring polka. Since I’m on the subject of Lawrence, did you know that he never quite grasped English idioms? He was famous for his “Welk-isms,” like, “Now for my accordion solo, Myron, will you join me?"
But back to you. At an alternative rock concert, even of the slightly mellow variety, expecting people to sit the whole way through is just plain crazy. Not that you are crazy, but this particular line of thinking is, and if you keep thinking crazy thoughts eventually the label might stick. Here’s the thing: Bands like enthusiasm; they like an audience that seems into the show. I can guarantee, My Morning Jacket will put on a better show for a standing, head-bobbing, audience than a sitting, polite one. You can ask them yourself, if you like, but I’m 97 percent sure they’ll agree with me. (My Morning Jacket, feel free to confirm or deny.)
Right now would be a good time to mention that I am not now nor have I have ever been a rock star or an expert on rock stars. I don’t even know any personally. I hear they don’t make the best houseguests, so I’m not too broken up about that fact.
But since we’re currently running on the assumption that I’m correct, it’s reasonable to expect people to stand at a rock concert. And it does NOT matter that the venue sometimes has opera unless you mistakenly thought you were going to the opera, which would then explain your choice of footwear. In short, the answer is yes, it’s okay to stand at a concert. It’s expected, even if there is assigned seating. Next time you go to a concert, please wear comfortable footwear.
Since this is the first Ask Lutz column in many years, I thought it might be wise for me to explain my process: First I read the question. Then I read the question again and make sure I didn’t misunderstand anything the first time around. Then I put myself in the shoes of the person writing to me (so to speak—I tend not to purchase uncomfortable shoes). Then I try to consider any other perspective that might be involved. Then, if I need further education to make an informed response, I contact an expert. I understood your question right away, so I quickly moved on to the shoes part of it.
Once again, in answer to your question: You should wear comfortable shoes to a concert and expect to stand. Otherwise, the band might think you don’t like them and decide to look for another line of work. Oh, and I just thought of something else: Sometimes people stand instead of sitting to avoid getting blood clots. Next time you’re thinking about asking someone to sit down, think again.
Best wishes,
Lisa
So this is a question about concert-going etiquette. We bought tickets to an alt-rock band (My Morning Jacket) -- these tickets were to particular seats, and good seats too (in the 5th row, on the side). The concert was in a very nice concert hall in Seattle where they have the opera, etc. Now as soon as the band came on, a number of people in the seats in front of us stood up, and then didn't sit down for most of the concert. This gave me two choices: one, to sit down and not see the show or, two, to stand as well. Now, I don't like standing during concerts. My legs get tired. And I wasn't wearing the proper shoes to stand for the entire show since I HAD PURCHASED TICKETS THAT INCLUDED A SEAT. And a very comfortable seat. Now the people standing were not dancing, they were just standing there bobbing their heads. They could bob their heads in their seats. And hear just fine too.
In any case I didn't feel like I could ask them to sit, because it was an entire group of people, but please let everyone know what the proper etiquette is for concerts where you buy tickets for seats. Is it okay to stand just because it's a concert?
Signed,
Please Sit Down
Dear Sit Down,
Let me begin by offering my sympathies to your feet. I know all too well what foot pain feels like and I am not taking this question lightly. I also am quite familiar with the experience of staring at a person’s back for hours at a time and I can’t say that I’ve grown fonder of backs because of it. Being short, even if someone is sitting down in front of me, out cold, they still could be blocking my view. Of course I’ve never woken the person up and asked him to move seats. But I would have liked to on many occasions.
But back to your question, and let me warn your right now that you’re not going to like my answer. If you were at a Lawrence Welk show, it would be safe to expect the audience to remain in their seats unless, say, one was trying to pop a bubble from the bubble machine or take part in a standing ovation after a particularly stirring polka. Since I’m on the subject of Lawrence, did you know that he never quite grasped English idioms? He was famous for his “Welk-isms,” like, “Now for my accordion solo, Myron, will you join me?"
But back to you. At an alternative rock concert, even of the slightly mellow variety, expecting people to sit the whole way through is just plain crazy. Not that you are crazy, but this particular line of thinking is, and if you keep thinking crazy thoughts eventually the label might stick. Here’s the thing: Bands like enthusiasm; they like an audience that seems into the show. I can guarantee, My Morning Jacket will put on a better show for a standing, head-bobbing, audience than a sitting, polite one. You can ask them yourself, if you like, but I’m 97 percent sure they’ll agree with me. (My Morning Jacket, feel free to confirm or deny.)
Right now would be a good time to mention that I am not now nor have I have ever been a rock star or an expert on rock stars. I don’t even know any personally. I hear they don’t make the best houseguests, so I’m not too broken up about that fact.
But since we’re currently running on the assumption that I’m correct, it’s reasonable to expect people to stand at a rock concert. And it does NOT matter that the venue sometimes has opera unless you mistakenly thought you were going to the opera, which would then explain your choice of footwear. In short, the answer is yes, it’s okay to stand at a concert. It’s expected, even if there is assigned seating. Next time you go to a concert, please wear comfortable footwear.
Since this is the first Ask Lutz column in many years, I thought it might be wise for me to explain my process: First I read the question. Then I read the question again and make sure I didn’t misunderstand anything the first time around. Then I put myself in the shoes of the person writing to me (so to speak—I tend not to purchase uncomfortable shoes). Then I try to consider any other perspective that might be involved. Then, if I need further education to make an informed response, I contact an expert. I understood your question right away, so I quickly moved on to the shoes part of it.
Once again, in answer to your question: You should wear comfortable shoes to a concert and expect to stand. Otherwise, the band might think you don’t like them and decide to look for another line of work. Oh, and I just thought of something else: Sometimes people stand instead of sitting to avoid getting blood clots. Next time you’re thinking about asking someone to sit down, think again.
Best wishes,
Lisa
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