After responding to Soggy and offering a sound and safe solution to his wet dog problem-–doggy rain gear-–I then posed a question to my readers and asked why Soggy would give his dog an alias.
This was the one reply I received:
Dear Lutz,
I have a possible solution to the mystery of Brent, the pseudonymous dog. It is quite possible that the dog is enrolled in the federal witness protection program. Having turned informant on his mafioso owner, the dog was moved to a new city and a new owner-–Soggy-–who agreed never to use the dog's real name.
Given Soggy's apparent cluelessness in pet care matters, however, perhaps Brent would have have been better off keeping his mouth shut. Say what you will about the mob, but they don't go around spraying their pets with Scotchgard.
Sincerely,
Concerned
Dear Concerned,
Thank you for your concern. I think your heart is in the right place. You, like perhaps many of my readers, were shocked to learn that a person might spray a water-retardant chemical on a beloved pet. Unlike most of my readers, you also seem to have some very clear views on the mob. While I am not nor have I ever been a member of La Cosa Nostra, rumor has it that sometimes they take gripes out on people’s pets.
No one condones that behavior, but I think it’s unlikely that any governmental law enforcement agency would spend tax dollars on a dog witness protection program. It’s a nice idea, Concerned. And in a perfect world, there would be a witness protection program for all living creatures (or at least those who have snitched). I think I can safely say, having not yet heard from Soggy, that the reasoning behind the dog alias might very well remain a mystery.
Thank you for contributing, Concerned. Remember, drink herbal tea and take those “vitamins” your doctor has prescribed. They’ll keep the mob away, for sure.
Best wishes,
Lisa
Now I must move on to a more elementary matter. After I posted Dog Trouble, and mentioned that my mother once had a raincoat for her pet that resembled a Sherlock Holmes outfit, I got the following comment from Alan:
where can I buy sherlock homes outfit for my dog. thank you.
While I appreciate Alan’s brevity, I believe I mentioned that I do not approve of dressing your dog for your own amusement—which this would undoubtedly be. I cannot help you with this matter. Actually, let me rephrase that: I will not help you with this matter.
Please, dress your dog like a dog, which means don’t dress your dog. A practical raincoat is an allowable exception only if weather conditions justify its use. No need to garb him in a tweed coat and deerstalker cap. And I hope I don’t need to mention that wet tweed would likely be stinky, itchy, and utterly impractical. Although you could always Scotchgard it.
Remember, if you have questions, complaints, or concerns, feel free to ask for help.
Best wishes,
Lisa
(asklutz@gmail.com)
