Use Your Words

Dear Lisa,

Should I be worried that my two-year-old stood on the letterbox this afternoon and yelled, “Hey Taylor, show us your boobies!” to our 12-year-old neighbor?

Cheers,
Tanya from Australia

P.S.: Is his degeneration my fault because I spent the whole day reading the third Spellman book cover to cover? As opposed to, say, feeding, supervising, or otherwise nurturing my three children? (It’s okay, the older ones can dispense food when required.)

Dear Tanya,

Thank you for this excellent question. Before I begin, I should mention to you and my readers that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an expert on toddlers. However, I was recently in the vicinity of a pair of them (toddlers, not experts), so I feel confident that I can provide sound advice on this matter.

One of the toddlers—let’s call him Toddler A—started crying, presumably because he was unhappy. I later learned that children tend to cry when they want something. Anyway, when this one cried, his parents would say, “Toddler A, use your words.” They said this many times that evening, so they must have found it works for them.

I can’t help but think that your young child—let’s call him Toddler B—has certainly gotten the hang of “using his words.” Toddler B wanted to see Taylor’s boobies and asked. I can only commend you on your excellent parenting skills. If boobies mean the same thing in your country and mine, my only concern would that eventually you might suggest Toddler B use his words with a touch more discretion.

Of course, I would be remiss if I didn’t bring up the subject of Taylor. I am hoping against all hope that Taylor is female. Not because I wish any female to experience objectification from someone who just learned to speak, but because I fear that a prepubescent male with boobs might develop a bit of a complex if his neighbor Toddler B is drawing attention to them all the time.

Trust me, I find no fault with you or your child, but I hope that an apology for either the objectification of your young female neighbor or the ridicule of your young male neighbor will be forthcoming from Toddler B.

As for your next question: No. I never blame anyone for reading my books instead of feeding their children. However, hunger might explain Toddler B’s comment in the first place.

I hope I have advised you well, Tanya from Australia. I will be visiting your country next month and hope to learn more of your customs. If I find myself fielding requests similar to Toddler B’s, particularly if they are shouted at me by Australian grown-ups, I might be inclined to revise my reply at a later date. Until then, keep up the good work.

Best wishes,
Lisa