[When cooking a turkey, please use a meat thermometer and make sure that the breast meat is 170 degrees, the thigh meat 180, and the stuffing at least 165. In fact, to be safe, leaving the stuffing out of it.]
Dear Dave,
I know I'm not supposed to ask you cooking questions, but I'm a rule-breaker. Let's say you're cooking a turkey. Would you err on the side of safety and eat it dry or would you risk salmonella poisoning for yourself and guests just to eat a moist turkey?
Signed,
Curious Cook in Connecticut
Dear Curious,
Dry turkey isn’t worth eating. It’s like a couch covered in protective plastic. Do you want to be one of those people—"I bought this nice couch, but I’m so driven by fear that I am willing to ruin its comfort and appearance. Plus, what if hoodlums come over biting into their moist turkey and the juices squirt everywhere?”
As a resident of the Insurance State, you surely understand the absurdity of this position. It’s an example of Reverse Black Swan Syndrome (RBSS), in which fear of an extremely unlikely event leads you to obviate the whole reason you considered taking a risk in the first place.
A simple technique called “Have I Ever” can help you overcome RBSS. When in doubt, ask yourself, “Have I ever suffered from salmonella?” (or “Have I ever died in a car accident?”—you get the idea). If the answer is no, go for it. My rule is, after I’ve had salmonella once, no more moist turkey for me.
Anthropologically, this is in keeping with our caveman roots. Cavemen got to enjoy a lot of things because they weren’t made overly cautious by second-hand information. Think of all the delicious berries! Mog not sick. Mog love life.
To take a more modern perspective, consider the healthcare industry, a critical source of employment in today’s otherwise dismal economy. Do you think hospitals could survive if everyone insisted on dry turkey and adequate safety equipment? Try telling the nurse, a single mother of three, that you’re sorry she lost her job, but pass the gravy.
Alternatively, substitute a dish that always has plenty of moisture, like soup.
Dave
